Histoires drôles (en anglais !)
19 juillet 2000 / A la une
Envoi de Marc Défourneaux (MarcDfnx@aol.com) pour Chroniques du Ciel.
RULES OF THE AIR
1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the
stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all
the way back, then they get bigger again.
3. Flying isn’t dangerous. Crashing is what’s dangerous.
4. It’s always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there
wishing you were down here.
5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.
6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the
pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the
sky.
8. A ‘good’ landing is one from which you can walk away. A ‘great’ landing is
one after which they can use the plane again.
9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won’t live long enough to make all
of them yourself.
10. You know you’ve landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi
to the ramp.
11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of
arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.
12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn’t get to five
minutes earlier.
13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might
be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also
report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of
take offs you’ve made.
15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately
no one knows what they are.
16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The
trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
17. Helicopters can’t fly; they’re just so ugly the earth repels them.
18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that’s going round and
round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger
compartment, things are not at all as they should be.
19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of
miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet
to lose.
20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience
usually comes from bad judgment.
21. It’s always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as
possible.
22. Keep looking around. There’s always something you’ve missed.
23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It’s the law. And it’s not
subject to repeal.
24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you,
runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.
